Day 023: Top 5 Reasons Why The Championship Series Will Suck

For all intents and purposes, the Divisional Round wasn’t half bad. Aside from the Braves/Marlins series, it was a week packed with drama, intrigue and dingers. Tasty dingers. But we’re not out of the woods yet. We still have two more weeks of Bubbleball. And here’s some things that I’m not looking forward to:

5) No More Dingers

The final two matchups are taking place at Globe Life Field and Petco Park. They are two of the most cavernous pitcher-friendly parks in the league. If you were expecting Big Al to go off, you’re going to have to look elsewhere. Take the Dodgers for example. This team has always relied on the longball. Even though they plated 23 runs in 3 games, only one of them left the park. That says a lot about ball-gobbling Globe Life. Get ready for a lot of warning track shots and screamers down the line. Hoo boy.

4) You Probably Don’t Care About Any Of The Teams In It

Considering my reader base, I find it wildly improbable that anyone in New York or Michigan gives a crap about any of these guys. In fact, 3 of those teams are probably the most hated in the regions. Lucky for you, there’s plenty of room on the Rays bandwagon. You sure as shit can’t name any non-pitchers on the team and after watching a game, you’re going to forget all of them. Except Ji-Man Choi. That thicc boi can play. Also, if you have any interest in joining the Dodgers bandwagon, hit me up. I’ll be more than happy to educate.

3) The Astros Are Still In It

2) There’s…uhhh…going to be fans?

If you haven’t puked in your mouth yet, now’s the time. You heard me right. At the NLCS, they’re going to be selling 11,500 tickets per game. In Texas. With fans coming from Georgia and California. While the whole country sees an uptick in the virus. Yep. Smart. Great. Wonderful. Fuck. The MLB has claimed to put safety measures in place. Tickets are sold in groups of 4, in seats that are distanced from other fans. Fair, that’s probably easy to enforce. They also stated that the fans all have to live together. How in the hell are they supposed to prove that?!? Also, they’re not blocking sales on the secondary market, so literally anybody can get tickets at an affordable price. The MLB probably thought they were doing a good thing in theory [they weren’t], but just wait until the camera pans to show strangers sitting together, maskless, screaming at the top of their lungs. And then afterwards, they’re going to travel to a different part of the country. Thanks, I hate it.

1) The Dodgers Will Probably Lose

I know, I know. I’m an annoying defeatist. But the Braves pitching staff has been lights out and I don’t know if the Dodgers are ready for that. It’s been a while since they’ve faced competent pitching. They might not have faced it at all this season. Also, there’s clearly a bullpen problem on the back end and it’s one without an easy remedy. For these reasons and much more, I’m being cautiously pessimistic every time I hear somebody say that it’s their year.

But who knows, maybe things will turn out okay. Maybe the Championship Series won’t suck. But in my mind, you’re going to see a lot of flyouts, a sharp uptick in Covid cases and a Braves-Astros World Series. And that’s not a bad thing, that’s a horrible thing!

– TeeCoZee