Day 021: I’d Rather Not Go To A New York Sonic [Friday Thought W/ TeeCoZee]

Good Moleman. Ice to see you. That’s the joke. It’s Friday, October 9, Twenty Hundred and Twenty. The weather in Valley Stream is 67° & Pantone 15-3919 and somewhere, somebody done messed up. They really did it now. It’s gonna really hit the fan. I can’t believe the person did the thing that was wrong. Man. Wow. I can’t believe they left their Old Navy coupon at home. How are they gonna get all the savings? And me? I just pull them up on my phone. Save a tree, noamsain? I also have a thing on my mind.

Today, Rachel and I were pleased to discover that there’s actually a Sonic on Long Island, just a mere half hour drive away. We hadn’t been to one together in years, as we thought the only viable options were in Jersey. What we didn’t keep in mind was how close to the city it actually was. In fact, it was so shallow in Long Island-ness that MTA busses even ran there. Which wouldn’t be a problem in theory, but once we got there, we knew we had made a huge mistake. You know how in Sonic commercials, their slogan is “This Is How You Sonic”? Well, it would be really helpful if it actually told you how to Sonic.

Because New Yorkers don’t know how to Sonic.

On one end, I can’t blame them. Sonic restaurants are relatively new to the city. So new, in fact, that it was packed to the gills. Everywhere else in America, people are already sick of Sonic, so it’s presence is nothing special. Once it’s hit the city, everybody’s flocking to see what all the commercials are about. And nobody that does this knows how to Sonic.

People are pulling up with their music blasting. They’re honking their horns to get the carhops attention. I’m pretty sure I saw a person walking up to a parking space, trying to place an order. People are screaming into the order box. Multiple people were confused by the menu. Some guy pulled up to a spot to smoke a cigarette and leave. It was an overall chaotic atmosphere that wasn’t the Sonic that I know and love.

To add to the chaos, the carhops are actually on rollerblades. They go at full speed with trays of food. As cars speed by. A catastrophe waiting to happen. I’m not saying that I don’t trust New Yorkers on rollerblades, but I don’t trust New Yorkers on rollerblades. Especially when they’re carrying a tray of slushes. And the slushes. Oh, the slushes. Part of the appeal of Sonic slushes are their consistency. It’s a smooth sip all the way down. This is because they use insulating styrofoam cups. However, wait for it, styrofoam is banned in New York State. Instead of the slush of my dreams, I got a half melted plastic cup, covered in condensation, with a bio-degradable straw. I’m all about saving the planet, but we have much bigger fish to fry. Us Earthlings are fucked on so many levels, we should be able to enjoy the little things in life like a cold bev that stays cold.

Overall, the food was still Sonic. Greasy, regrettable and cheap. But with the chaotic atmosphere and melty bevs, I think I’m better of paying the Port Authority a toll the next time I want to Sonic.

Try this trick over the weekend: Learn how to Sonic.

Have a Sonic weekend, everyone!

– TeeCoZee