I’d Rather Make 19 Lists [2019 Thoughts W/ TeeCoZee]
Top 19 Lists To Summarize 2019
19) Top 5 Things I Always Say At The Beginning Of Everything
5) Good Moleman
4) Remember that New Years Eve at Lenny’s? He didn’t even give you my coat!
Friday Saturday, January Fourth, Twenty Twenty.
2) The weather in Brooklyn is 50° & Pantone 14-3903
1) And somewhere, somebody is wondering how they should say the year. Is it “Twenty Twenty” or “Two Thousand Twenty”? Regardless of which one they pick, they know that some assclown will correct them and say “it’s ‘Two Thousand AND Twenty'” or “It’s pronounced ‘Em Em Ex Ex'”. The pressure is getting to them. Luckily, they have a couple of years to figure out, as they can use phrases like, “This Year”, “Next Year” and “Last Year”. That’ll buy them some time. And me? I think it’s called “MX-Squared”. We all have the right to our opinions. And mine is right. I also have some lists on my mind…
18) Top 5 General Statements About 2019
5) It was a year
4) I’m glad it’s over
3) Good riddance
1) If I’m being totally honest, 2019 wasn’t that bad. It had some really high highs, like seeing the love of my life beat cancer and then marrying her. But it also saw multiple deaths, seizures and panic attacks galore. If it wasn’t for two of the most special moments, I would regard 2019 as one of the worst years of my life. Instead, it balanced out to somewhere in the middle.
17) Top 5 Lists That Won’t Be Included In This Collection Of Lists
5) Top 5 Movies of 2019
4) Top 5 Books of 2019
3) Top 5 Video Games of 2019
2) Top 5 Cups of 2019
1) Top 5 Streaming Services of 2019
16) Top 5 Movies of 1990
5) Total Recall
4) Wild At Heart
3) Jacob’s Ladder
2) Robocop 2
15) Top 5 Best Feelings Of 2019
5) Knowing that I just beat a panic attack
4) Being behind the wheel, with the open road in front of me
3) Seeing the Dodgers have 3 consecutive walk-off wins with 3 different rookies
2) Eating a sandwich
1) The last episode of Mr Robot
14) Top 5 Worst Feelings Of 2019
5) Feeling a panic attack come on
4) Being tired, with 600 miles to go
3) Seeing the Dodgers flop out in the NLDS
2) Eating a messy sandwich
1) The last episode of Mr Robot
13) Top 5 Worst Games I Attended In 2019
5) 6/7/19 – Rockies 5, Mets 1– By the end of the game, I heard a guy shout to Todd Frazier, “You suck, Todd! Hit a home run!” That’s the game in a nutshell.
4) 3/8/19 – Royals 7, Dodgers 5– I was incredibly homesick and some tall fucker was sitting in front of me, literally blocking my whole view of the action. Also, that desert night got cold as balls.
3) 8/29/19 – Cubs 4, Mets 1– I drank a beer. That’s all I remember from it.
2) 9/7/19 – Phillies 5, Mets 0– Drew Smyly got the win. I needn’t say more.
1) 7/6/19 – Fort Wayne Tincaps 4, Great Lakes Loons 1– I was elated to discover that the Dodger’s single A affiliate resided in Midland, Michigan. I was even more elated to discover that they were wearing their Dodger alternate jerseys the night of my attendance. So of course I participated in a silent jersey auction. And of course I won, because I’m an impulsive idiot. I had won the jersey off the back of Leonel Valera. He committed an error in the 7th and grounded into a double play to end the game. It was a very awkward moment to go up to him afterwards and tell him that I now own his clothing. 1/10, would not recommend.
12) Top 5 Feelings That Were Worse Than The Worst Feelings Of 2019 List
5) Being told that the company was sold
4) Pulling into a rest stop off the Ohio Turnpike and seeing a text message from my mom
3) Sitting dazed in the dark bedroom as she cried. She said that she should be excited that this is almost over, but she is still so afraid that there’s something wrong with me
2) After placing our order, I asked if her mom was coming this weekend. As if a flip switched, she struggled to answer that question
1) Seeing her walk through the revolving door and freeze at the sight of me
11) Top 5 Feelings That Were Better Than The Best Feelings Of 2019 List
5) Standing among a chaotic mob as Pete Alonso bashed his 53rd home run. We screamed, we cried, we still had 6 innings of baseball left. It was the most magical sports moment I had witnessed live.
4) Coming home to a quiet apartment, with nobody in it but a sleepy cat. A normalcy has been restored. Rachel is back to work.
3) Being able to take my cousins to Smackdown, something we should have done 20 years ago but never had the money or time to do so. Between Nick, Zach, Rachel and I, we all had a weird year. It was great to be able to put it all aside and randomly scream out “Woooooooooooooo”.
2) Hearing the final beep to signify the end of Rachel’s arsenic treatment
1) Standing nervously in Prospect Park, surrounded by 19 of the people that I love and seeing her come into focus. Her dress was perfect, basically everything I had always envisioned. But what struck me was her face. Somehow, the past year of anguish and misery had faded away. No longer were her eyes tired and weary. She looked…happy. And it made my heart explode. I no longer have a heart. I blame her.
10) Top 5 Best Games I Attended In 2019
5) 5/10/19 – Marlins 2, Mets 11– The game itself wasn’t anything special. But it was where we went to immediately after Rachel’s last chemo treatment. It’s a game I’ll remember for the rest of my life, but I won’t remember a minute of it.
4) 4/10/19 – Twins 6, Mets 9– The Mets scored 6 runs in one inning, off of one single hit. The half inning went as follows: 6-3 groundout, single (caught stealing), walk, walk, walk, hit batter, walk, walk, walk, single, strikeout. It was unbridled hilarity. But not as funny as:
3) 7/15/19 – Dodgers 16, Phillies 2 – lololololololololololololololol
2) 3/10/19 – Mariners 9, Angels 9– Only in Spring Training could a game like this happen. The Angels were down by 6 in the 9th inning. Basically everybody had already left to go to the next game. And then the bench squad rallied to tie it. And since it’s Spring Training, it ended in a 9 inning tie. But the last hour was pure magic.
1) 9/29/19 – Braves 0, Mets 3– The aforementioned Pete Alonso home run, duh.
9) Top 5 Sandwiches Of 2019
5) Egg salad
4) French dip
3) Turkey, avocado, cheddar, onions, mayo
2) Beef with gravy
1) Philly Cheese Steak with Whiz, onions, mushrooms and stuffed with fries
8) Top 5 Transit Disasters Of 2019
5) The Q train on shuttle bus in Brooklyn for 5 weekends
4) New Jersey Transit’s weekend schedule. If there’s a game at the Meadowlands, there should probably be at least one train between 11:11 and 12:07. No excuse.
3) Q train went out of service because of an “assaulted conductor”. There’s no way that was actually the case. There was no police apprehension, crazy person, or distraught conductor. They just kicked us off the train, sat for 10 minutes and rode away.
2) The conductor announced that the Brooklyn bound A train was “going around” a stalled train at Chambers street. He kept using the phrase, “going around” and offering no other insight. What “going around” meant was that the train was diverting on a completely different line and 5 stops were going to be skipped. By the time we got back on the A line at Jay Street, the train went out of service. In fact, there would be no service on the entire line for the foreseeable future. Luckily, we didn’t need the A after that. Thousands of others weren’t so lucky.
1) FDNY activity at Brighton Beach. No Q trains in Brooklyn. No buses, due to Sunday scheduling. Pouring rain. Uber surging 10X. Took a gypsy bus home. It was weird.
7) Top 5 Years That Were Worse Than 2019
6) Top 5 Firsts That Zach Forgot To Mention In His 2019 Blog
5) First Dodger game
4) First Brooklyn Cyclones game
3) First time eating Long John Silvers
2) First time being told that there’s no E in Santa Claus
1) First time watching porno with your cousins on Christmas
5) Top 5 Dumb Things That I Did In 2019
5) Accidentally got too high after a 9 month cessation
4) Listened to Vaporwave
3) Told Rachel to calm down
2) Bought an Edwin Diaz Jersey
1) Locked an employee in the store
4) Top 5 Jump Scares Of 2019
5) Amber alert in the middle of the night
4) Almost getting hit by a semi while hydroplaning down the highway
3) Seeing a licker for the first time in the Resident Evil 2 remake
2) Reddit randomly giving me an ad for Childs Play
1) Also in Resident Evil 2, the Tyrant came from around the corner and I jumped so hard that I bit my tongue.
3) Top 5 Discoveries of 2019
5) It’s possible to live sober if you’re convinced that your sanity is at stake
4) That baseball cards are about as satisfying as cigarettes
3) The podcast, Crime In Sports
2) Wearing a suit/wedding dress is very empowering. You are basically invincible.
1) 1990 was 30 years ago, not 20.
2) Top 5 Goals For 2020
5) Eat a sandwich
4) Finish Gravity’s Rainbow
3) Get better at parallel parking
2) Focus more on my mental health
1) Understand Gravity’s Rainbow
1) Top 5 Tricks To Try Over The Year
5) Make me a sandwich
4) Record an audiobook of Gravity’s Rainbow
3) Teach me how to parallel park
2) Give me some space, but also hit me up, like, all the time
1) Explain Gravity’s Rainbow to me
Have a helpful 2020, everyone!