A Letter From Your Editor-In-Chief
Today, I watched a Justin Bieber video on mute. Some girl was dancing around in a Dennis Rodman jersey as if it meant something. As I watched, a cloud of really cheap marijuana smoke wafted through my window. I wondered, “Why do people like to dress as if it’s their year of birth? Why are people getting high at 11 in the morning?”. The answer is obvious: because we used to do it. The experience was a sobering reminder that not only am I getting old, but we are all getting older as you read this sentence. Obama lied to us. We actually don’t have the capacity or technology to stay 23 forever. We’re always going to be fighting against the grain, flailing aimlessly to stop a trend that we don’t understand. The question at hand is how we can cope with it. How can we maintain a sense of youth without succumbing to a lifestyle that’s not designed for us? The key was right under our noses:
Amuse yourself daily.
Go to the last page of BFD [in another tab, dummy. Don’t close out of this one, I’m not finished], work your way forward a few pages and tell me what you see. From a distance, it looks like 4 manic dudes trying really hard to write a portfolio to present to MAD Magazine. Honestly, that’s probably what it actually is. Who wouldn’t want to write for MAD Magazine? But if you look deeper, you’ll see the exuberant joy of 4 dudes that found a way to amuse themselves. An outlet for their outlandish thoughts. We could riff to each other or to the wall until the cows came home, but there was something really special about it being immortalized on The Net™. The idea of it being read by a random stranger, distant acquaintance or The Girl That You’re Crushing On And You Really Want To Impress [TGTYCOAYRWTI] was infinitely enticing. A lot of our friends made special appearances [there are still 11 registered users to this blog, with many more that have been deleted] and we tried to make this home for anyone that wanted to say anything for the sake of amusement.
But we couldn’t stay 23 forever. We moved to New York, people got married, started families, others stayed the same but forever changed by the timestamp of life. Any outsider that reads this blog now would think that it’s mine and mine alone. This is not true. BFD is for all of us and it is my duty as Editor-In-Chief to keep this promise. If you have been reading BFD, then you are more than welcome to contribute to BFD. Do whatever amuses you. It might actually amuse some other people. I have made that call to action many times before with little to no response. Instead of telling you to pull up your boot straps, I need to make these missions more direct.
Zook – I know you hate bad wine just as much as I do. I’m going to buy you a bottle of “wine product” from Duane Reade. You know, the one that’s not actually wine but is disguised as such. Zook, you’re going to have to take one for the team and drink the whole bottle for an addition to The Free Wine Blog.
Scottym70 – Every time you write something, it garners 50,000 hits. People love you, you’re somebody. You could make a crappy drawing of a duck and then write 200 words about how it’s not a duck and it’d be the most popular article to grace BFD this year. So, maybe you should make a crappy picture of a duck and write 200 words about how it’s not a duck.
Roscoe – I don’t need to tell you how critical this is. Hometown. Pay-Per-View. The eyes of the media. Here’s what I need: It should be lengthy enough to seem substantial, yet concise enough to feel breezy. It should be serious, but with a slight wink. It should lay out a new course of action, but one that can change direction at any moment. If you must mention facts and figures, don’t do so directly. The general thrust should remain embedded in one’s mind forever, but specific words should be forgotten the moment they are heard. It should contain nothing that can’t be confirmed or denied. It should be on my desk Friday morning.
I could give you all personal missions, but I’d be wasting other people’s time. If you want one, hit me up, I’ll give you one. Most of you reading this are talented writers and artists and you shouldn’t sell yourself short. Have a short little ditty that you had fun writing? SEND IT MY WAY! Have you ever wanted an outlet to make stupid comics? WE STILL HAVE A SECTION FOR STUPID COMICS! I have spent the last 6 years of my life spilling my heart out to all of you and I cherished every word of it. Every day that I’ve written to you was one that was better enjoyed because of it. One last time, I am imploring you. We can all be like those dancing girls in the Bieber video. We can all still feel 23 at heart. Our jobs may suck, our love lives may be in the gutter, but we still have the capacity to make ourselves laugh. All we need is an outlet.
Baseball For Dinner
BFD Is Dead Productions
Shambop Deli Corp
Pork Hertylman Productions