I’d Rather Call It Friday Birthday Thoughts With TeeCoZee The Late Edition 400th Post Extravaganza

Good Moleman to you. It’s Saturday, March 21, Nineteen Eighty Seven. The weather in Brooklyn is 48˚ & raining and somewhere, some weird kid is getting all borned and stuff. He’s going to spend most of his childhood afraid of his own shadow, aspire to be a football player without realizing that he’s in no shape to do so nor does he have the lack of common sense to risk his life for something so trivial, will fall in love at the age of 17, fall out of love at the age of 19, get really pissed at the age of 23 that it took him so long to discover Shepherd’s Pie, will have multiple out-of-body experiences in same same general location within the span of a few years, which will scare him immensely but ultimately mean nothing at all, get really stoned at the age of 16 and fail to put together a DVD rack that will still stand crookedly in his living room 12 years later, start writing faux-horror novels at the age of 7, moving on to crappy movie scripts in high school, MySpace blogging in college to WordPress Blogging, which is where he will find his semi-captivated audience, friends that inspire him and a general purpose of life that affords him to still work a full-time job and be happy with what he’s doing outside of it. That person is me and it’s not the 80’s, dingus. And I outlived a lot of people that couldn’t stand being alive for 27 years, like a boss! And this is also [unofficially] the 400th post on BFD! And guess what else, I love each and every person that reads it, because you are the real reason why I’m writing this today. Thanks to all 15 of you [and thanks to Maya, who will read this in June on her quarterly BFD binge]. I also have a few things on my mind:

I’m really excited to be writing the 400th blog post and TOP 5 LIST!!!! GO!!!!

Top 5 Sandwiches I Ate When Is Was 27:

5) Hot Ham & Cheese
4) Pastrami, Egg & Cheddar on a roll
3) 4oz of Prosciutto with Provolone on a roll
2) Half Pound of Smoked Salmon with Cream Cheese, Onions and Capers on a Poppyseed Bagel
1) Half Pound of Prosciutto was a Half Pound of Brie on a Mini Baguette while I mowed it down in a public eating space amongst a teeming crew of drooling, confused, disgusted and pissed off hobos. I had never and never will feel more privileged to consume over 1000 calories in one sitting. And then I washed it down with an $11 juice because I GOT PLENTY MONEY!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!

– I walked to the store a few minutes ago and TOP 5 LIST!!!! GO!!!!!!!!!

Top 5 Memories Of Being 27:

5) Slowly recovering from what I thought was a good date but was [apparently, to her] a complete disaster
4) Buying a laptop off Joe and using it for the first time
3) Thinking that I beat Joe at Othello only to lose by 3 points
2) Reconnecting with Hila Da Killa and making hearts with her
1) Wondering why it always snows on the Vernal Equinox

– You know what really grinds my gears is when TOP 5 LIST!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!!!11ONEONEONETWOTHREE

Top 5 Catchphrases That I said When I was 27:

5) Now We’re Cooking With Greyskull!
4) I Like Sex.
3) Yeah, That’s My Name, What Up
2) Your Mom’s 8
1) That’s What’s Up

– This week’s Letter From Coze went out to VeeBeAye, some moron that gave me her phone number, dropped off the face of the earth, and I guess is now waiting for me to prank phone call her:

Good news. With DeGrom, Wheeler, Harvey and 90’s Sitcom Dad That Owned A Pizzeria But Then Sold It At The End Of The 5th Season To Make A Comeback Pitching In The Major Leagues, In A Move That Most Of The Shows Fans Considered To Be Jumping The Shark And Of Poor Tact™, you’re probably going to be retiring in the next few years.

Assorted Beverages > Set Beverages

I’m really sick of seeing pictures of girls on mountains/canyons/cliffs. I’m not interested in how they got up there or how they got down. Helicopters are for fuckers.

I’m an idiot. Let me buy you a beverage.

– So I was riding the C Trang and TOP 5 LIST!!!!!! GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Top 5 Things That I Can’t Wait To Do Now That I’m 28:

5) Rent a car
4) Go To Dodgers Stadium
3) See what the hell Portland is all about
2) Get seats in The King’s Court at Safeco Field
1) See what the hell San Francisco is all about

Try this trick over the weekend: Wish me a happy birthday! Because IT’S ALL ABOUT ME! BOOM!

Have a self-centered weekend, Coze!

-TeeCoZee