I’d Rather Write Her A Blog To Put In My Blog [Friday Thoughts With TeeCoZee]

Good morning, sunshine. Can you move to the left a little bit? You’re reflecting off my keyboard and I’m visually impaired by it. Thanks a lot. Yeah, that’s better. No, it’s just fine. Just stop. You’re fine. It’s Friday, March 13, Two Thousand and Fifteen. The weather in Brooklyn is 43˚ & sunny and somewhere, somebody cannot believe that it’s already been a year. He’s thinking about all the things he did during that year and wondering if his Grandpa has been looking over to see any of it. If he was, hopefully he was at least mildly entertained. That person is me and I can only hope that in 50-52 years, my Grandpa will finally teach me how to fish. I never got around to doing that. Who knows, maybe he’ll outgrow it by then. Maybe he’ll be really into laser tag. I could get down with that. That’d actually be pretty awesome. I bet heaven has a great laser tag arena with 50 ft styrofoam neon rocks and junk. Or maybe he gets really into Pachinko? Regardless of what your new hobby is, I still miss you, Grandpa. And a day doesn’t go by that I don’t wear your tie clip in pride. I promise I’ll get it back to you some day. But you’ll have to beat me in the laser arena first! I also have a few things on my mind.

– I’ve been using a designated Emergen-C cup, because I’m really lazy and love vitamins. That powder does not wash out very easily. You try to soak it and it just makes another Delicious Fizzy Vitamin Beverage For Health™. It’s the never-ending bev! I poured Mountain Dew into the cup today and BLAMMO! Vitamin Dew! Pour some coffee into there and SHABANG! Vita-coffee! Pour some vitamins in there and BOFFO! Vitamin Flavored Vitamins! THAT’S SO MANY VITAMINS!

– I have no idea what the point of the previous paragraph was. I decided hastily to cut my losses before the audience realized that there’s no punch-line. The punch-line is this. Or is it?

– I was desperate for inspiration today, so I went and got Chinese Food. Usually, something happens on my trip to New People’s Republic Of Chinese Food that gets mentioned in The Thoughts. But the place was empty and the guy was attentive, making sure my order was recorded properly. Frustrated, I made another stop to Super Foodtown Fresh. Everything was normal. Almost too normal. I bought ingredients for fried cheese, didn’t wait in line, had a pleasant conversation with my cashier and was on my merry way. Heading back to the New People’s Republic of Chinese Food, there were no crazies on the street. Just normal-ass people going about their business, walking in straight lines with a purpose. Absolutely nothing happened for me to poke fun at. I got home, noticed something in my room and started laughing hysterically. I have since forgot what that thing was. My apologies.

– It’s time for another edition of Letters From Coze, the segment where I send out weird messages to random girls on the internet! To my surprise, last week’s letter actually elicited a response. In the rare case that I actually meet her, she’s gonna want to read my blog and it’ll probably be another case of me blowing up my own spot, which is my forte. But at least she would’ve read the blog? This weeks letter is not going to get a response and it went out to snack_eternal:

– For some reason, I keep accidentally seeing the word “snack” in your profile, but it ends up being words like “sack”, “snark” and “tumor”. It’s not a common problem for me to have and I’m quite worried.

– After existing for 27 years, I still don’t know what consists of a Tapa, or its plural cousin.

– The internet is nothing but self-promotion.

– I’m still pretending to have read Lolita. I saw the Kubrick adaption once, but I don’t remember it. Somehow, I’m still getting away with it. Until now…

– I don’t understand why spring training baseball games feature so many shots of bored children. Exhibition baseball is boring enough, why are they cranking the boredom meter? Show somebody reading or eating a jumbo pretzel or something.

– I’ve also spent my entire life pretending to have already had a Bob Marley phase. I tell people that it was somewhere in between Pink Floyd and Genesis. I’ve actually convinced myself that this phase existed.

– Top 5 Things On My Mind Right Now:

5) My neck feels stiff
4) When should I turn the lights on?
3) I think the ceiling stopped leaking
2) I have no clue what I’m doing tonight
1) Nachos

– After running a grocery store for an extended amount of time, I realized that meals are not important. Life is about snacking. That’s probably why I keep seeing the word “snack” everywhere.

– Wait, that’s not why.

– Sometimes I send people lists for no reason.

– It sometimes helps with writers block.

– I think this is an instance.

– Or maybe not.

– Err…yup. It is.

– People are constantly mistaking me for some drummer of a local band I’ve never heard of. It’s a different band every time.

– I’m a human. Sup.

– Would you for some reason [thirst?] want to get a drink sometime?

Because that’s how you win over women. You write blogs to them. That should be a service for a lonely people. Have random strangers write blogs to them so that they feel like they have friends. I think I can quit my day job now. That’s What’s Up®!

– I can’t tell if the person next door thinks our shared wall is a door or if they’re making very poor decisions with a hammer.

– Why is it that all nerds have glasses? I saw a group of Young Mathematicians [or at least that’s what their shirts said] on a field trip and every single one of them wore glasses. Does being smart ruin your eyesight? Is there any dumb people with glasses? How am I just now discovering this? How much longer can I milk this topic out? I’m thinking for one last sentence. Which is this one.

– Try this trick over the weekend: Send me a trick to recommend for next weekend. I ran out of ideas.

Have a meta weekend, everyone!

– TeeCoZee