Top 10 Potential Spring Training Injuries

Even though every diamond in greater Kings County is covered in ice [with exception to the one next to the sewage facility and strangely, one next to a Connecticut Muffin], it’s somehow Spring Training. To some, it’s a magical time of the year. Others don’t want to be bothered until August. And me, I’m chomping at the bit to see which players are going to get injured for stupid reasons. We’re only a week in and we’ve seen fractured foot by truck, Meniscus tear via sprinkler and a swimming pool-induced shoulder injury. Are these players actually cursed with bad luck or are they trying to find convenient month-long injuries to avoid training camp? Who cares? That’s baseball, baby! Here’s my predictions for the next 10 injuries that’ll take place this month:

10) Juan Uribe’s head falls off due to science – Out 4-6 weeks

9) Yu Darvish comes down with a bad case of Pitcher’s Knee – Placed on 60 Day DL

8) Jared Weaver gets carpal tunnel syndrome from playing air guitar – Out 6-9 weeks

7) Matt Kemp injures his hip while “sitting down awkwardly” – Out for the season

6) Alex Rios injures his foot while playing Jacks – Status is day-to-day

5) Adam Jones gets eaten by ghosts – Forced into retirement

4) Al Albuquerque gets tinnitus after shooting a gun in the air – Out indefinitely

3) Jon Lester realizes he has Botanophobia – Can only play road games

2) Jurickson Profar spontaneously combusts – Status is day-to-day, with a possible DL stint

1) Miguel “Nitro” Montero gets his hand stuck in a Pringles® can – Out indefinitely

As usual, I’ll be taking wagers on which one actually happens. Till then, we wait…