A Word From the Creative Director.
Dear Baseball For Dinnerites,
Happy New Year. I hope 2015 finds you all well fed, well read, and, well, not dead. Just by reading this post, I trust you are in fact not dead, so all those who have perished both miserable and relieving deaths in the past year we’ll agree to count as collateral damage, yes? Good, on we go!
My dear friends, I know I do not often write to you. Truth be told, it’s been a difficult time for Yours Truly. Over a year ago, while on artistic sabbatical shooting the much anticipated “Pork Hertylman: A Man Without Purpose” biopic in the Himalayan Mountain range, my crew and I were granted the illustrious opportunity to attend the royal wedding ceremony of the fifteenth granddaughter of King Jingme Khesar Namgyel in the Kingdom of Bhutan. Needless to say, the seemingly benevolent invitation was ultimately a sinister trap, and my crew and I were taken captive and subjected to harsh and austere conditions in a dank dungeon dug from the side of a mountain, devoid of proper insulation and Wi-Fi. I was eventually able to negotiate the release and safe transport of most of my crew in exchange for my personal artistic guidance of His Royal Highness’s tenuous grasp on mise en scene. It seems the King is somewhat of a burgeoning filmmaker. I am proud to report exclusively here on Baseball For Dinner that His Highness’s directorial debut, a shot-for-shot remake of John Frankenheimer’s Reindeer Games, will be available on VOD on May 13th.
To make a long story short, over a period of months in isolation I was able to remove a rib, fashion it into a makeshift bone dirk, and shiv His Royal Highness in his commie neck. The rest, we can agree, is history.
But lighthearted tales of fancy aside, I write to you today with more solemn news. I have received a communique via the company inbox so vulgar, so obscene, that I am faced with a difficult choice. While a number of you may be upset by what you read here, I have always been and shall always be committed, above anything, to complete transparency and truth in reporting on this website. And thus, I have no choice but to share with you the following Declaration of War.
Dear Baseballfordinner.Com Team,
Hope you are doing great!
Do you know for some reasons why you are not getting enough organic & social media traffic on your website?
- HTML and other on-page errors are present on your website.
2. Low number of internal and external quality links are present on your website.
3. Duplicate or low quality contents are present in your website without any regular updates.
4. Need to update fresh contents on your website and blogs as per the latest Google guidelines.
5. Broken Links and Poison words might be present in your website.
6. Social media profiles need to be updated regularly.
There are many additional improvements that could be made to your website.
Let me know your thoughts and looking forward to work together.
Sounds interesting? Feel free to email us or alternatively you can provide me with your phone number and the best time to call you.
–redacted– |SEO Consultant
Low number of quality links? Duplicate, low quality contents? Poison words?! I’ll give you a poison word, buddy: kick rocks!
Readers, we’re in a time of crisis in the world of free, open journalism. Every day, more newsmen and their secretaries are being subjected to bullying and blackmail from the blackest male of all, President O’Bummer and his corporal socialist goon squad. The end is nigh, my dear constituents, and as the 20th Century scientist Raymond Bradbury discovered, the Internet burns on the hot side of 450 degrees. You know me not as an alarmist, and thus it shall dismay you to now hear this: Arm thyselves, fair disciples. Bunker down, isolate, and allow the paranoia to seep in. As you feel your grasp on rational thought loosen, embrace. We are faced now with a world that makes little sense, and I need you to join me in placing upon our weary eyes the masks of modernity. I deserve your support in this endeavor. I’ve earned it.
Also, please check out the trailer to the upcoming “Pork Hertylman: A Man Without Purpose”:
Best wishes for a safe and happy New Year,
Playmaker / Creative Director, BaseballForDinner.com
“Take It From Me: You’re Gonna Like Being Loaded!”
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