I’d Rather Wear Earbuds Like A Normal Human Person [Friday Thoughts With TeeCoZee]

It’s always a good morning when you wake up surrounded by foxy ladies/men. Not to say that any of us did that today, but the prospect of it sounds pretty cool, right? It’s Friday, June 6, Two Thousand and Fourteen. The weather in Brooklyn is 67˚ and partly cloudy and somewhere, a weatherman is contemplating the noon broadcast, on whether he should announce the afternoon’s forecast as “Partly Cloudy” or “Partly Sunny”. He doesn’t want to sound like a pessimist, but he’s still unsure of which expression would actually be considered as negative. He’s infamous for being an accidental pessimist, especially since the “God Bless America” incident in which his deadpan voice and the vengefully placed B-Roll footage made him come off as heartless and sarcastic, thus removing him from his anchor spot, doomed to be a weatherman for the rest of his life. My opinion? There’s clouds in the sky, we’re all dying and I have some things on my mind.

– I just spent 30 minutes trying to pick a tie out. This has become all-too-common. Whether this extra time spent is dedicated to me trying to find the perfect match or to spite the people that complain about my ability to clash colors is for you to know and me to figure out.

– The Top 3 Things I Love About Doo-Wop Songs:

3. Their affinity to make up words
2. The practical use of a Bari Sax
1. The fact that 60% of them exude a socially acceptable form of self-deprecation. I strive to be like them someday.

– I was riding an R-32 J train last week [don’t ask] and although it hadn’t rained all day, it was raining inside. A significant amount in a concentrated area. An old couple got on the train with their luggage, likely in for the long haul to JFK airport. The husband finds a seat in the corner, leaving his wife to her devices. She just stared at him in scorn. At one point, he looked up from his crossword puzzle and pointed to an empty seat, right underneath the metal rain cloud. When she declined, he went back to his crossword puzzle. The scenario really made me think about my mortality and the life choices I’ve made so far. It’s safe to say that I’d rather die alone than be cool with my wife getting doused in train water.

– Why can’t all walls be made of cork board?

This week’s Letter To Coze comes from Meds Discounter:

Greetings, dear subscriber!! Your health is our main concern . Please check out our new SPRING offers and save HUGE on the best medications. Click here to continue. (Click OK button in the Popup Dialog)

Thanks for the letter, Mr. Discounter!! If I was to get medications, I would hope they are the BEST!! HUGE SPRING !!

– I don’t understand earbuds, and the ways people use them. For starters, the standard earbud does not fit into my ear. My lobes must be ridiculously small, because if I can ever jam them in, I can’t move an inch without them falling out. I need to remain completely still. And yet people jog with these fuckin things in! Also, I seem like the only person in the world that can have a conversation with someone while wearing earbuds. But everybody does it! I can’t tell if they’re just pretending to hear the person or if the content of the conversation is composed entirely of inaudible utterances. And they’ll have these conversations with great lengths between each other. Another earbud gimmick I can’t wrap my head around is having the earbuds out, but with the wires wrapped around the top of the ear so the pieces are resting on the ear surface. If you’re going to do that, just put the earbuds away! Or if you’re going to play music with them, properly stow them inside your ear cavity. I don’t understand this indecisive fashion! But I’ve recently seen the most perplexing earbud fashion: Someone had earbuds in, but they weren’t plugged into anything and he had his iPhone playing vuvuzela-sprinkled nonsense on full blast. If you’re hip, I’d like to to explain that one to me. Because I’m too old for these earbud trends.

– Of all the songs that have ever existed, I don’t think I’ve ever been able to say “I am so sick of ‘Walk Like An Egyptian'”.

– The Top 3 Proper Nouns That I Used As Verbs This Week:

3) If you’re going to go Benoit on somebody, please don’t come to work.
2) Just as long as she doesn’t pull a Jerry Maguire, we’ll be fine.
1) Did he seriously Namath Out? Classic.

The next Letter To Coze comes from Testosterone Lawsuit:

You’re owed money to your Testosterone related injury. Click here to get your compensation.

The fuck? My spam mailbox is playing out a storyline that never happened!

– Try this trick over the weekend: Rock a rhyme that’s considered as “right on time”. I dare you.

Have a tricky weekend everybody!

-TeeCoZee