Mike Carp Didn’t Make My Top 5 Top 5 Lists Of The Week

5) Top 5 Reasons Why Your Shitty Apartment Is Better Than Citi Field

5) You can go to the bodega and buy a beer for a dollar
4) There’s no free sauerkraut to tempt you
3) You don’t need binoculars to watch TV
2) You don’t have to ride the G train to get there
1) There isn’t a broken speaker continually buzzing into your ear

4) Top 5 Relievers That Should Not Be Closers

5) Luke Gregerson
4) Scott Rice
3) Brian Wilson
2) Tom Wilhelmsen
1) Phil Coke

3) Top 5 Closers That Should Not Be Closers

5) Grant Balfour
4) Matt Lindstrom
3) Joe Nathan
2) Jason Grilli
1) Jose Valverde

2) Top 5 Reasons Why The A’s Are 13-7

5) The fans that play shitty instruments
4) Yoenis Cespedes performing black magic
3) The Seattle Mariners
2) The absence of Bad Luck Bartolo™
1) Coco Crisp is juicing

1) Top 5 Things That Are Scarier Than Jarred Cosart’s ERA

5) Bees
4) Ghosts
3) Murderers
2) Clowns
1) The Brewers are 15-6

-TeeCoZee