Frankenstorm and Hurricane Sandy to Hit East Coast Searching for Happiness
AP BREAKING NEWS
The MTA of New York City announced a shut down of subway service at 7pm today as Frankenstorm and Hurricane Sandy AKA, “The Bride of Frankenstorm,” barreled towards each other with one clear goal….
Legal. Gay. Marriage.
Meteorologists confirmed earlier today that Frankenstorm was not only female, but also a giant cold-front lesbian.
Frankenstorm and Hurricane Sandy, says Meteorologist Dr. Leopold Booth, met earlier this summer on a cruise and have been emailing back and forth. Frankenstorm popped the question three weeks ago, and they have been preparing for their wedding in New York City ever since.
Dr. Leopold Booth, when pressed to explain how, exactly, a “goddamn storm could have a sexual orientation?” he replied…
“You think I went to college for this shit? Meteorology is to science as Carly Rae Jepsen is to fucking Mozart.”
Due to Governor Chris Christie’s recent veto of gay marriage earlier this year, Frankenstorm and her bride Hurricane Sandy will pass quickly through New Jersey, probably stopping just to get a few snacks and stretch their legs. When asked for comment, Governor Christie chewed an eclair thoughtfully and declared-
Governor Andrew Cumo of New York stated that, while Frankenstorm and her bride are welcome to file for legal gay marriage in New York City, they should try to keep the destruction and mayhem to a minimum.
“Similar to Hurricane Irene of last year, I hope that Frankenstorm and her wife-to-be-Sandy have a good night in NYC, knock back a box of white wine, and then settle down in a nice co-op in Tribeca.”
President Obama sent a humorous greeting card to Frankenstorm and Hurricane Sandy to celebrate their impending nuptials.
Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney’s camp released this statement to the press:
“While I do not support gay storm marriage, I support gay storm marriage.”
Do you support gay storm marriage? Do you agree that satirical articles about impending natural disasters and hot-button social issues are in bad taste? Let us know below!
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Mr. Watson, can you explain why a low pressure front makes this different from regular hurricanes? Also, don’t you think Sandy’s lifestyle choice will have a negative impact on budding tropical storms?
Thank you for reading, Miss WWJD. We believe Sandy has been under a high pressure front from her parents to “marry some nice boy” ever since she came out. As for nature vs. nurture for the sexual orientation of tropical storms, I think Hurricane Sandy didn’t wake up one day and decide to be a cold front lesbian. Weather for NYC today will be 52 degrees F with light rain.