The Name of This Sentence Is New Feeling, and That’s What It’s About

It’s not yesterday anymore, but if it was, it still wouldn’t be and even though I feel different, the world around me is still the same and it seems to be all a matter of perspective, as if I once stared out the window all the time, which I did, but instead making that extra effort to step outside the window, or to finally see what I’m looking for out there like a gleam in the far distance that could be easily mistaken for a smudge on the window, but not to me, because I’m not looking out the window anymore, I’m out there baby, in the wild, Emile Hirshin, driving up to the intersection of Wealthy and Division and feeling more scared than I ever have before, but as I thought about all the things that plagued me, it all only made me stronger, faster, more reliable, more cunning, less forgiving, less sympathetic, but then why do I want to cry as I flip through this album, and it hits me, and it hits me again, and again, and Vampire Weekend made me cry all the way to Ionia, but this was only necessary, because in order to get rid of attachments, there needs to be a clean cut, with a straight razor, no nicks, no bumps, just a pure shave, so tears are necessary, as are unnecessary commas, marks, punctuations, comments, thoughts said aloud, eating 3 skyline dogs instead of 4 and sales of fire, that’s right, a fucking Fire Sale, which is being used in attempt to get these things the fuck out of my face and there has been mild success, but I still need to get rid of these DVDs at 3 bucks a pop starting with 12 Monkeys and ending in Who Framed Roger Rabbit but there’s always the ones in the middle, which consist of 24 Season 2, 2001: A Space Odyssey, A.I., About Schmidt, Airheads, Akira, Amadeus, American History X, American Psycho, Apocalypse Now Redux, Army of Darkness, Babel, Back to the Future Trilogy, Battle Royale, Being John Malkovich, The Big Lebowski, Bottle Rocket, Blazing Saddles, Boogie Nights, The Brak Show – Season 1, Cabin Fever, Caddyshack, Casino, Chasing Amy, Children of Men, Clerks II, A Clockwork Orange, Curb Your Enthusiasm – First Season, Dawn of the Dead – 1978, Dawn of the Dead – 2004, Dead Man, Death Proof, Death To Smoochie, The Deer Hunter, Donnie Darko, Easy Rider, Ed Wood, Evil Dead, Eyes Wide Shut, Family Guy Vol 3, Fight Club, First Blood, The Fly, Forrest Gump, Freddy Got Fingered, Freddy vs Jason, Fubar, Ghostbusters 1 & 2, The Godfather Collection, Goodbye, Lenin!, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, The Graduate, Halloween, A History of Violence, Jacobs Ladder, Jackass The Movie 1 & 2, Jackie Brown, Kill Bill – Vols 1 & 2, Killer Klowns From Outer Space, The King of New York, The Last Samurai, Lawrence of Arabia, Lock, Stock, and 2 Smoking Barrels, Lord of the Rings – Two Towers Extended, Lost in Translation, Martin Scorsese Collection – After Hours, Goodfellas, Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore, Mean Streets, Who’s That Knocking At My Door?, Magnolia, Marie Antoinette, Memento, A Mighty Wind, Monty Python & The Holy Grail, Mystic River, Natural Born Killers, Night & Fog, No Country For Old Men, Once Upon a Time in America, Paths of Glory, Platoon, Pi, Pink Floyd: The Wall, Planes, Trains & Automobiles, Pulp Fiction, Punch-Drunk Love, Raging Bull, Rain Man, Raising Arizona, Ran, Rashomon, Requiem For A Dream, Re-Animator, Reservoir Dogs, Saving Private Ryan, Say Anything, Scanners, A Scanner Darkly, Scent of a Woman, Sealab 2021- Seasons 1,2 & 3, Seinfeld – Seasons 1,2 & 3 Gift Set, Seinfeld Season 6, Seven, Sex, Lies & Videotape, The Shining, The Simpsons – Seasons 2,3 & 5, Snatch, Spaceballs, Star Wars Trilogy, Stay Tuned, Swingers, Taxi Driver, Terminator 2, Tenacious D-VD, The Squid & The Whale, There Will Be Blood, THX 1138, Traffic, Training Day, True Romance, Vulgar, and The Weather Man and well shit I know it’s excessive but I know that if I can sell all of these for 3 bucks, then that will make my life a lot easier than it seems like it will be, but on the other side, I earned my first month’s rent by selling my Sega Saturn, and as an added bonus, the guy threw in a copy of Marvel vs Capcom 2 for dreamcast, so after taking a much needed nap, I booted up the game to play when I saw that the memory card was full, so I reset the system and went to clear out space, but I was stopped in my tracks by the contents of the memory card, which hasn’t been touched in over 5 years and it made me wonder about what my life was like the last time that I booted up Space Channel 5 (I was still dating Jamie, and for some reason, had a desire to play video games on a July afternoon) or Resident Evil Code: Veronica (I was extremely naive, knowing inside that I would eventually go to UCLA to be a computer programmer, which was a half-baked plan) but the point of it all was that this memory card signifies an old feeling, which is one that is no longer prevalent, and it goes back to a time in which I had no friends, no prospects, no skills, no respect for myself, no Skyline Chili, and no idea that I would actually be lifted out of a funk in which a little white box is the only thing that makes me happy, but I did evolve, progress, or whatever fucking word you want to use, I made it, and I made it again, and I know this will be the hardest obstacle yet, but I plan on leaping over this in stride and flying over the barrier and flying over the land, and if Ben Roethlisberger can whip out his dick in public and rape a girl, then I could surely tell a stranger about how I feel and why I mourn departure, but these things have to happen, so watch the fuck out America, the Coze is stronger than ever, and he’s coming for you, he’s coming for you, fuckers, he’s coming.

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