The BfD Reunion Conference 2010: Friday! [Pre-Conference Ceremonies, Under Siege 2 & Tylenol PMs]

Artwork By An Anonymous Artist Named Amy

BfD kicked off its first annual convention today, with much fanfare and style hosted by the GR chapter. The tone throughout the entire event was that of optimism and looking forward to the future of Baseball for Dinner. While other internet moguls have run afoul with bad press involving hack attacks from China and several of their employees getting convicted in Italy, BfD has managed to remain strong and resilient and provide its readers with a variety of quality content.

The opening was kicked off by Dr. David Finkersed, the master of ceremonies and keynote speaker for this year’s conference. He was elegant and subtle, basically the perfect spokesperson for BfD. Here’s what he had to say to start off the intermingling of affiliates and associates in the meet and greet section of the official opening of Baseball for Dinner’s First Annual Conference and Consortium con Carne.

To be completely fair, the BfD conference started unofficially on Thursday night. The Coze was reunited with Scotty Watso with a surprise visit to the DrinkUltraSlimRockyRocketLounge. The duo finished off a dance grudge that had been put on hold for 6 months. There were cheer, jeers, and sweat all around. When the lights came up, right after a very tired rendition of “Cotton Eyed Joe”, there was no victor. The rivals-turned-friends accepted the draw and shook hands. Cozo invited Watso for a formal occasion set for Friday Morning. He enthused “it’s like Friday on Friday, except with Steven Seagal”. Scott accepted the invite, and warriors went their separate ways with their respective femmes.

The pre-conference festivities resumed at precisely 11:36 am Friday morning, with a screening of the film “Under Siege”. Only 3 were in attendance, including Cozo, Watso, and an avid BfD reader who goes by the name of Carvs. Scott wrote an analysis of this event in a previous post that can be found here. It was after this screening that Scott stepped out to “return some videotapes”. He was not seen again for the rest of the weekend.

It wasn’t until after 8:00 PM when the actual festivities were able to begin. Everything was set in place. The icicles hung low above the door, threatening imminent death to anyone in attendance. Those who were able to dodge the frozen daggers also had to endure the glaciers known as the 1st and 2nd step to the door. Inside, things were buzzing. The place laid to waste, filled with pizza boxes and empty water bottles. The fireplace burned slowly, as if it was not burning at all, or not even a working fireplace. Following the late arrival of Roscoe and the aforementioned keynote speech, the Baseball For Dinner Reunion Conference began. 20 minutes into the conference, Cozo started drifting off into space, thanks to the sedatives that he had taken in order to “fall asleep easier”. Why he had hosted a conference only to want to fall asleep was beyond everyone in attendance. In effort to keep him awake, the first film chosen to be shown was none other than “Under Siege 2: Dark Territory”.

Wait, isn't it the same poster as the first one, except with a train? What's THAT supposed to mean?

For The Coze, most of the movie was a complete blur, and the train setting did not help make things clearer. Thoughts and observations can not be collected for him, as they all seem to blend in with the first film, which was painstakingly viewed 7 hours prior. However, he did find the mixture of Tylenol PMs and Steven Seagal to be quite entertaining.

For Roscoe, most of the movie was enthralling, kind of like watching a train wreck in all its spectacular glory. And you get to witness Stevie outrun the wreckage and carnage in a “Escape from the Death Star II” ripoff as the train ends up on a doomed collision course. Having missed the showing of “Under Siege the First,” and in addition also having read Watso’s analysis, Roscoe feels like he bid on celebrity auction for Owen Wilson and instead got Luke Wilson.

Still a relatively good time, but ultimately you end up feeling kind of disappointed in the whole endeavor.  Here’s a comparison of ten-year old Watso’s memories of the First juxtaposed with Roscoe’s recent memories of his experience with the Second.

Watso

1. It took place on a battleship.

2. Gary Busey is scary.

3. There were titties.

Roscoe

1. It took place on a train.

2. Gary Busey is indeed scary, but does not appear in this film.

3. There were people getting busted having sex, but no titties to be seen.

If only things got better from there. But there is No Busey, No Tommy Lee Jones. Instead, you get Everett McGill, best known for his appearances on Twin Peaks as Ed Hurley, and Eric Bogosian who appeared in a single 1985 episode of The Twilight Zone. Again, it’s good at what it is, but knowing that the first installment exists, you just feel kind of gypped.

Seagal is still the mumbling bad-ass of the first, but really, who goes to a Stevie Seagal movie to see him act? You go for the explosions and edge-of-your-seat action sequences where the only thing between the free world and total disaster is that deputy of the peace, Mr. Stephen Seagal.

Bogosian uses the train to create a mobile “dark territory” that allows him to take over a US satellite and use its power to put Washington D.C. in the sites of total destruction. Verizon should buy up the rights (which can be worth what, a dollar seventy-nine? Vintage Seagal just doesn’t have the special effects to keep today’s audience’s enthralled) of Under Siege 2: Dark Territory and use footage from it for their “Dead Zone” campaign.

To the fortune of Cozo, the movie ended swiftly and at a reasonable hour. Being the Official Bookkeeper of BfD means a will to be up at 4 in the morning. With the early work hours looming, and after a long day of driving, both Cozo and Roscoe were fine with the first day of the convention ending on an short note. However, both were sure that there was much more in store for the remaining 3 conference days that ensued. At the end of the day, everyone was left with questions still lingering, such as “What is the point of this convention?”, “What can we create out of a bunch of bullshit and spin it into gold?”, “Which day will be the most eventful?”, “What can we discuss to further the future of BfD?”, “Where the hell is Scott?”, and of course “How many references can we make to Skyline Chili?”.

The weekend may hold the answer to most of these questions.

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