Dr. Leopold’s CELEBRITY FECAL FANTASY
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You’ve seen them in your favorite movies
In top makeup commercials
Can live like a celebrity with:
CELEBRITY FECAL FANTASY
How It All Works
What makes a celebrity?
Why are they so rich and sexy?
It’s not the movies they make
Or the handbags they buy
Lindsey Lohan hasn’t made a movie in years.
She did her best work when she was 12.
But she’s still more famous then you.
Dr. Leopold, top research celebritist and founder of theDr. Leopold Center for Celebrity Research And Prescriptions, (C.R.A.P.) has studied what makes celebrities so rich and sexy for over twenty years.
Dr. Leopold’s breakthrough research has concluded that celebrities maintain their youth and top dental hygiene by Fecal Fitness.
We all know and love American sweetheart, Jessica Alba*
*(star of Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer and Good Luck Chuck )
But what you may not know is that Jessica maintains her legendary physique and award winning smile with a strict regiment of Fecal Fitness.
In a recent interview for Stool Monthly, Jessica proudly boasted maintaining bowl movements that consistently qualified as a Type 4 on the Bristol Stool Scale. When pressed about her secrets to achieving such an ideal stool level, Jessica admitted that she keeps her dookie’s quality high with a strict diet of leafy greens, gummy bears, and stray cats.
Now, Dr. Leopold and Stool Monthly are finally making their revolutionary findings available to all you Joe Shuckatellies at home who ask themselves:
“Why can’t I take the same dump that Brad Pitt does?”
With Dr. Leopold’s CELEBRITY FECAL FITNESS program, your ass babies could easily be confused with those of George Clooney, Angelina Jolie, or the cast of Grey’s Anatomy.
Don’t believe us?
Dr. Leopold, to convince all you Doubting Thomas’ at home, has given us permission to publish just a few of the many CELEBRITY FECAL FITNESS packages that will have you “Scatting Like The Stars!”
The Liam Neeson
Born in Ballymena, Northern Ireland, Liam has always played mighty characters, usually wise, sage like mentors who must die so that the hero can finally grow up. Liam is a jedi master, has saved Jews, and fought batman.
Would Liam have been able to rescue his daughter from international sex peddlers in Taken had he lacked Fecal Fitness?
Liam draws his strength from a diet that consists of hearty, choice cut steaks and the strongest, ropiest fibers so that, when he does have a bowl movement, that bowl movement is sinewy and muscular enough to kick your ass.
Liam is a Type 2 on the Bristol Stool Scale. Some experts would say such hearty stool is a sign of constipation, but this is not the case. Liam is far too busy battling the British or the Nazis to pass a brown stone more then once a day.
The Liam Neeson is ideal for business travelers and those in the public eye who only have time to slink away once a day for Fecal Fitness
The Nicole Ritchie
Dr. Leopold, as a keynote speaker at the 2009 international celebritist’s convention in Atlantic City, greeted his many colleagues and adoring fans with this bold statement.
“That’s right folks, you don’t have to be afraid of the truth anymore. Say it loud and clear with me… Girl’s poop too!”
Studies show that most girls realize that they poop, but what they may not know is that their poop doesn’t have to be gross or offensive.
“Being proud of your poop in an important step in womanhood,” says Bunny Tightwater, editor of Stool Monthly for Women and Redbook, “There’s nothing more empowering then, after battling with your lower gates for five minutes, standing up and shouting I made that! Look at that shit! ”
“Nichole Ritchie is one of the celebrities that’s leading the way in the Women for Poop movement. With her mixture of style, sass, and femininity, Nichole is showing impressionable teenage girls everywhere that pooping is not only necessary, but essential in the development of a strong woman.”
Nichole consists of a diet high in vitamins and minerals, primarily the mineral known as “beach sand.”
“I really like how crunchy sand is and, if I eat enough, I feel kinda full” stated Ritchie in last year’s November issue of Stool Monthly.
Ritchie’s very selective diet allows her to achieve a stable Type 1 on the Bristol Stool Scale, producing human chocolate that is roughly the size and shape of deer turds.
The Nichole Ritchie, unlike The Liam Neeson, needs only be performed once a month and is best done in a forest clearing or nearby beaches.
These examples are only the tip of the fecal iceberg. Dr. Leopold’s FECAL FITNESS FANTASY program will send you a FREE information kit, including a ten page questionnaire that will help you find the stool level that best fits your needs and the needs of your family.
ACT NOW and you will receive a bonus free sample of your favorite celebrities stool that comes with a handsome, oak display case and a certificate of authenticity*
Tired of being ordinary, tired of not being rich and sexy?
DON’T WAIT! CALL NOW!
*Dr. Leopold and affiliates are not legally obligated to divulge how such samples are obtained. Samples may be mixed with the stool of non humans to maintain consistency.