Caught Between Worlds 3

I’ve been giving things a lot of thought, and something still urks me about the transcription from the burnt apartment. I feel that we all have been thinking too narrowly, and I have come to my conclusion that

A: It is a successful suicide note

B: The location of the note is not the one of the man’s final resting place

C: The note has been altered

My theory rests heavily on the first line. It is obvious, as he even points out himself, that he is quoting the Doors. Although “The End” has been regarded as one of their most popular songs, in most peoples minds the song immediately is associated with the film Apocalypse Now. Both the film and the note start with the contradictory phrase, “this is the end”. So what does this have to do with anything? Well, as the story goes, during the production of Apocalypse Now, director Francis Ford Coppola attempted suicide. It occurred out of a high amount of stress on an extremely long shoot in which everything possible went wrong. As history tells us, Francis was not successful in his suicide, but was successful in making one of the best films of all time. So of course, this is used as an example story for filmmakers everywhere. Perhaps one would even make an allusion to this while in a similar scenario. A person on the verge of suicide will look at this story, and either use it to rethink the actions or to proceed. Whoever wrote this note knew of this story, and it quite possibly pushed him over the edge. So it can be assessed that he was in a similar situation to Francis, however the scenario turned out to be the exact opposite. Instead of a film director, it could have been an SFX Technician. Instead of living, the man killed himself. And instead of making a good film, it ended up being regarded as one of the worst ones ever.

And thus, we have the story of Michael Colvin.

This is not the same Michael Colvin, but he could've looked similar to this "other" Michael Colvin

If you google search Michael Colvin, you will not find much. You can’t even find an exact date of death, but it has been told that he died in 1990. Nobody really knows where and when he was born, and what exactly he did in life until the fateful year of 1990. All you get is a sentence on IMDB claiming that he had died in a “trap door accident”. However, anybody could easily piece together his story based on these facts alone.

Michael Colvin was probably born in suburban New Jersey on a summer day in the year of 1967. His high school years were awkward, as was the time period of the early-mid 1980’s. He was probably in love with a girl named Becky Jones. She wasn’t exactly popular, but popular enough to have a freedom of choice when it came to suitors. Therefore, when Michael approached her those hundreds of times, she was quick to reject him, as he was in a lower social class than her and cried too much. Michael spent most of his days in the A/V Club homeroom, watching VHS tapes that were donated to him from the library. He grew an immense appreciation for films, but his favorites lied in the rebellious era of the 1970’s. He looked up to the likes of Melvin Van Peebles, Martin Scorsese, Alejandro Jodoworski, and of course, Francis Ford Coppola. He constantly made films while in high school, but none of them could ever lend a candle to the works of his heroes. This is where the trouble began. His life became a constant cycle of making films, being dissed by Becky, and then making films about it. After he graduated high school, everyone was aware of his mental well-being. He had a distinct vision of going out to Hollywood to further try to fulfill his dreams, but the support of his family kept him in New Jersey. He spent a few years staying at home, making more films in his room, determined that there was nothing wrong with him and that he was going to make it big someday.

On August 19, 1988, Becky Jones got married. There was a terrible fire in the reception hall, killing dozens, including the new bride and groom. Michael hitched a ride to California the next day.

Although nothing is known about what Michael did for those 2 years in L.A., one could assume that he suffered greatly. He became disenchanted by the Hollywood atmosphere and all of it’s smoke screens. After years of begging, he finally landed his first gig: A special effects technician on the film, Suburban Commando.

For those who do not know, Suburban Commando was a film released by New Line Pictures. It features Hulk Hogan as Shep Ramsey, a starfighter whose ship crash lands on earth. The bulk of the story involves Shep’s hilarious interactions with earthlings, and his eventual battle against his arch nemesis. The film also stars Christopher Lloyd and Shelly Duvall. It opened on 899 screens on October 4, 1991 to terrible reviews. It grossed $1,947,744 on opening weekend, which was 4 times more than what Barton Fink did that week, but still fell short at #7 at the box office due to the presence of crowd-pleasing smashes such as Necessary Roughness, Deceived, and The Fisher King. The film was ultimately seen as a failure, critically, financially, and artistically.

However, the thing that is most notable about Michael Colvin working on this film was his death on set. Allegedly, Michael was testing out a trapdoor, and fell to his demise. The assumption that this was an accident is completely ludicrous. First off, nobody dies testing out a trap door. It’s too cliché to actually work. These things just don’t happen. Unless the person doing so has a reason to die. It can be assumed that being this was his first and only job on a film set, he wasn’t much of an SFX technician. He had to have made the whole crew lag behind, or pick up his slack. Combine this onto his conscience, along with the fact that everyone working on that set knew the movie was a piece of shit artistically, and this is what set Michael Colvin off. You see, he was too scared to kill himself in a conventional way, hence the trap door. It’s literally falling into blackness until you die, that is if you do it right. When he fell, his suicide note was found next to the door. Of course, someone had to have taken this note, or else the death wouldn’t have been interpreted as an accident. It turns out, Michael had a friend. One that wouldn’t want the media to know about his dark side, and one that would want to expose the crew for the group of irresponsible assholes that they were.

This is where Brian Christensen comes into play.

After working alongside Michael on the SFX crew, he only did one more gig after calling it quits for his technician work. After his early retirement, he went out of retirement to become a stuntman. Many could assume that he made this career choice in vain of his fallen friend. He stole the suicide note, and used it as inspiration to try to make his life better. While looking for inspiration, he had started writing as a hobby. One night, he thought of a great idea for his spec hospital drama pilot, and accidentally jotted down the lines on Michael’s note, thus clearly explaining the side conversation that was found in the remains.

Nothing much else can be said about Michael Colvin, for he is a man that the world forgot.

So it’s a closed case now, right? Wrong! There’s still a matter of the line “straight, no chaser”. If there was one thing that Michael Colvin was not, it was an alcoholic. It simply doesn’t fit his personality, or at least the one made up for him. This line could’ve also had been added.

And with that, we have the fallacy of life and death. Once you die, your life is malleable and easy to change. It’s the exact opposite when you’re alive.

…till next time…