All This Variety is Shattering my Mind

Something about seeing a beautiful crimson sunrise after a 12 plus hour night of work warps your mind a little bit. Seeing all these early risers getting a head start on their day when you’re ready to crash makes you question your mental state. At least that’s my reaction. Whenever you talk to someone whose livelihood comes from making movies one of the highlights always brought up is the fact that each day is different and you are constantly seeing new places and people. This is all well and good, but sometimes I feel that a little bit more structure might be conducive to everyone’s mental well-being.

For a month now, I’ve felt like a hobo-drifter. And it’s all because I’m following my dream of helping to create a cinematic experience. My only concern is the rabbit-hole I’m finding myself. Take for example how I’ve come to few time recently. We have five more days of production, and I keep telling myself in five days I’ll be done with this, and be able to spend some time with my friends and family. But what five days in movie-making lingo means in actual reality is… six calendar days, at least one of which will be starting in the late afternoon; this means ‘lunch’ will be roughly at ten at night. For some reason, film people always like to call the first meal served on set lunch, regardless of the time of day it takes place.

All this builds up to my internal clock not having any semblance of what the numbers on its mechanical counterpart mean.

Which is why I find myself awake at 2:30 in the morning, trying to hold out for another couple of hours of being awake to make it through one more night. I feel somewhat numb, and my mind has a hard time staying focused. But my body and mind have been through worse, and somehow we’ll rise to carry on through, and in the end hopefully we’ll be satisfied with what we were a part of. I think this time around the end product might have enough value to make all this worth it. Here’s hoping, at least.