Swedish Robbery Ends In Kick Ass Chopper Escape
We can all relate to the peace and tranquility of a sunny autumn Wednesday in the Swedish capital of Stockholm; sitting on the steps of Tensta Konsthall, the smooth stylings of ABBA emanating merrily from the Kungliga Dramatiska Teatern, the pages turned in Jorn Donner’s Ingmar Bergmans filmer for the dozenth time. One would naturally never imagine such a familiar scenario interrupted by a heist the magnitude of last week’s stolen cash caper.
Inexplicable. Outrageous. Inconceivable. Many common adjectives relating to far-fetchedness have been used to describe the events of September 23rd. But there is one thing that all sources reporting appear to agree on – the skillful nature of the larceny, the adeptness of the criminals, and the sheer brazenness of it all, resulting in a successful robbery – is supremely bad ass.
The BBC reported:
"Swedish police are hunting for robbers who used a stolen helicopter to raid a cash depot in the capital, Stockholm. The thieves lowered themselves onto the roof before smashing their way in early on Wednesday, police said. Loud explosions were heard before the men were seen stashing what were believed to be bags full of cashinto the helicopter. A suspicious bag placed at the police heliport prevented officers from using their helicopters to chasethe gang.
It is not yet clear how much money was stolen. An abandoned helicopter believed to be the one used in the raid was found by police later in a forest north of Stockholm."
A Swedish tabloid reported in greater depth on the incident the following day, claiming that the robbers laid caltrops on multiple roads to hinder a potential ground pursuit by police, may have been working for a Balkan crime lord, and flew away in their stolen chopper with about $146 million in cash. A hundred and forty six million dollars in cash?! In a heist that makes Danny Ocean’s gang look like the Wet Bandits, the nation of Sweden and the rest of the world are left shaking our heads, wondering, “When does shit this mind-blowing actually happen in real life?”
Despite the fact that three of the four “alleged” robbers have been apprehended, the money is still at large, and we can’t help but assume that in a job this well executed, the apprehended perps are probably patsies.
And just to reiterate: career criminals we’re talking about here. Professionals. Experts in their field. How many robbers can pilot a helicopter, let alone steal one? When a high-skill, high-risk felonious act is committed only as a means to a much greater end, the nature of the crime is generally labeled as completely [expletive] epic. This incident is no exception.
Only time will tell if the squares at the Swedish National Task Force will succeed in making a total bummer out of this episode, but until then, the world can be sure that rock n’ roll criminal activity of the most stellar degree is still alive.
–French Bentley is a syndicated columnist for Baseball For Dinner and Esquire Magazine. He lives in Martha’s Vineyard with his tarantula.