Swedish Robbery Ends In Kick Ass Chopper Escape

We can all relate to the peace and tranquility of a sunny autumn Wednesday in the Swedish capital of Stockholm; sitting on the steps of Tensta Konsthall, the smooth stylings of ABBA emanating merrily from the Kungliga Dramatiska Teatern, the pages turned in Jorn Donner’s Ingmar Bergmans filmer for the dozenth time. One would naturally never imagine such a familiar scenario interrupted by a heist the magnitude of last week’s stolen cash caper.

Inexplicable. Outrageous. Inconceivable. Many common adjectives relating to far-fetchedness have been used to describe the events of September 23rd. But there is one thing that all sources reporting appear to agree on – the skillful nature of the larceny, the adeptness of the criminals, and the sheer brazenness of it all, resulting in a successful robbery – is supremely bad ass.

The BBC reported:

"Swedish police are hunting for
robbers who used a stolen
helicopter to raid a cash depot
in the capital, Stockholm.

The thieves lowered themselves
onto the roof before smashing
their way in early on Wednesday,
police said.
Loud explosions were heard
before the men were seen
stashing what were believed to
be bags full of cashinto the

A suspicious bag placed at
the police heliport prevented
officers from using their
helicopters to chasethe gang.

It is not yet clear how much
money was stolen.

An abandoned helicopter
believed to be the one used
in the raid was found by
police later in a forest
north of Stockholm."

A Swedish tabloid reported in greater depth on the incident the following day, claiming that the robbers laid caltrops on multiple roads to hinder a potential ground pursuit by police, may have been working for a Balkan crime lord, and flew away in their stolen chopper with about $146 million in cash. A hundred and forty six million dollars in cash?! In a heist that makes Danny Ocean’s gang look like the Wet Bandits, the nation of Sweden and the rest of the world are left shaking our heads, wondering, “When does shit this mind-blowing actually happen in real life?”

Despite the fact that three of the four “alleged” robbers have been apprehended, the money is still at large, and we can’t help but assume that in a job this well executed, the apprehended perps are probably patsies.

And just to reiterate: career criminals we’re talking about here. Professionals. Experts in their field. How many robbers can pilot a helicopter, let alone steal one? When a high-skill, high-risk felonious act is committed only as a means to a much greater end, the nature of the crime is generally labeled as completely [expletive] epic. This incident is no exception.

Only time will tell if the squares at the Swedish National Task Force will succeed in making a total bummer out of this episode, but until then, the world can be sure that rock n’ roll criminal activity of the most stellar degree is still alive.

–French Bentley is a syndicated columnist for Baseball For Dinner and Esquire Magazine. He lives in Martha’s Vineyard with his tarantula.