Top 5 Reasons Why I’m Not Writing

I was going to do a writing today to explain why I haven’t been writing lately. Then I decided that it would be a lame and melodramatic idea. So now I am doing a writing on why I am not doing a writing on why I’m not writing.

But now I’m writing.

5) There is nothing to say
I would love to keep readers informed of the many adventures that go on in my life or in my mind, but the fact of the matter is, my life is more boring than it has ever been. It’s been a long time since I’ve conjured up a good idea in my head. All of my days waste away, and if it wasn’t for the cost, I would’ve started smoking crack already. At least then I would have some deranged struggle to write about. Nobody wants to read the thoughts of someone with nothing going on, and in effect, I don’t care for writing about it.

4) I am getting blank page syndrome
There has been numerous instances in the past week in which I was itching to write something down. I started with little notes that I left around the house for Zach to see. But whenever I strive to write something bigger, I become consumed with the burden of a blank page. I used to crank out pages by the minute, and now I don’t even know how to turn the handle. This makes writing extremely difficult.

3) I don’t trust my own thoughts
I’ve been changing my mind a lot lately. Whenever I feel like I need a cigarette, I don’t need one 2 seconds later. When I feel like I’m having a bad day, I decide that it’s a great day. When I think I have a good idea for an article, I realize 2 seconds later that it was the worst idea I thought of since the last bad idea i had. Which actually translates to:

2) You can’t spell identity without crisis
It’s not that I don’t know who I am anymore, it’s just that my forms of projecting that have been drastically changing. I used to be the Coze that could be found sitting on the porch reading a paper. Now I don’t have a porch, and the paper doesn’t deliver on this side of town. (Which angered me so much that I had planned for 3 1/2 minutes to write an article bitching about it. But I decided it was a bad idea.) When I try to make plans, I realize that my friend count is severed, and I sometimes have to settle with being alone, which is something that I will never grow accustomed to. I’m trying to take applicants for new friends, but some applicants failed to show too much interest in such a demanding job with little to no compensation. Because of this, I have been working my friends overtime to keep myself sane. Really, what I feel like I should be doing is changing myself to become more appealing to other people. Maybe start up a new crew, in a new place, with a new face, and something else that ends with -ace. (pace?) But then that would mean that my ongoing pseudo-identity crisis would have to continue and perhaps escalate. And this scares me. And it’s really hard to write when these thoughts occur. And the worst part about it is the fact that everyone else has it much worse than I do. Then why am I being such a whiny bitch? I am not sure. But I plan on getting to the bottom of it. Or climb to the top.

1) I am too embarrassed to admit that I still can’t decide what the top 5 movies of the summer were
A month ago, I claimed that my next post was going to be a top 5 list of the best movies of the summer. I spent weeks and weeks deciding and then I would decide some more. Now the problem is that the window is gone, and a list like that would no longer be relevant.

So here’s the list (maybe):
5) Away We Go
4) Drag Me To Hell
3) District 9
2) [500] Days of Summer
1) Inglourious Basterds

There. Are you happy, world?

And I also made a new painting. An original Coze. It sits nicely above my bed, and may or may not have the power to ward off the nightmares I keep on having. I would upload a pic right now, but that is too much work involving me being on my hands an knees and messing with wires, which is something I do not want to be doing right now. But it will be unveiled soon, in a retrospective article about 721 Fairview. If anyone has a story to share about the apartment, please email them to me, and they will be included in the article. Or else, I will just make them up.

And in closing, I would like to say that it felt good to write again, and I miss all of you people out there in radio land. May your adventures be grander than me sitting on the couch picking lint off of my body because my only towel leaves blue shit all over my body after I shower or go to the beach or go poolside.

Your Friend,
Shamrock Tanner