Local Criminals To Celebrate Second Annual “Clarence Boddicker Day”

–Detroit, MI
This upcoming weekend marks the 22 year anniversary of the Detroit police strike. Many viewed it to be a magical weekend, filled with activities that fulfilled everyone’s wildest fantasies. This strike was made possible by a criminal kingpin by the name of Clarence Boddicker. With his fancy sway and high-powered connections, he briefly proclaimed himself to be the “King of Detroit”. He controlled one of the toughest street gangs, that soon met their demise in the same weekend.

Although this weekend marks Calrence’s rise to power, it also marks his fall from grace. One-by-one, members of Clarence’s gang was picked off by a renegade cop by the name of Murphy. The city grew silent as Murphy avoided numerous attempts on his life, and succeeded to kill off the entire gang. Although charges weren’t pressed, Murphy became one of the most hated and feared cops in Detroit. Murphy had a 6 year tenure here in Detroit, and after some brushups with the former conglomerate, OCP, he decided to move to Dallas where he now resides as a security guard.

Murphy, circa 1987

Murphy, circa 1987

Thousands of criminals will gather at the former OCP building this weekend to honor Calrence, and his visions of freedom. The festivities are being MCed by local actor, S.D. Nemeth, who is mostly known for his portrayal of Bixby Snyder on the hit TV Show, “I’d Buy That For A Dollar”. He had these encouraging words to say:

” I was a broke actor. I couldn’t get a role, I couldn’t get a dollar. One night, I was attacked by Clarence and his gang. I guess when I ran away, and ran in a silly fashion. I cracked up the whole crew, and Clarence became deterimined to land me a role in a sitcom. It took him threatening and killing 6 producers, but I eventually landed the job on ‘I’d Buy That For A Dollar’ and basicially, my whole life changed. I want to take my time now to express my appreciation to everything he has done for me, and done for this city.”

Although the festivities aren’t for another 2 days, people are reluctant to go on with their everyday lives. Over 300 people are camping out outside the old OCP building, waiting for the day to come. We talked to a man who was sporting a best-selling “Bitches Leave” T-Shirt, and he had this to say,

“Man, Clarence is my idol, man, why wouldn’t I camp out to show my respects. Officer Murphy was a big metal prick, and since the day he smoked his ass, I haven’t been able to trust cops. There are too many soulless cops out there trying to be like Murphy, and if Clarence was still around, we would be living in a much better place.

Also in the crowd, we were able to speak with a woman and her 2 year old child.

“Clarence changed my life. If it wasn’t for him, I’d probably be a teacher or a nun, or some soulless cunt. He taught me how to break into houses, and the information was invaluable. I even named my son after him. Hopefully someday, little Clarence will be able to hold a candle to the real deal.”

Clarence Boddicker Day is expected to have over 100,000 people in attendance. The death projections grow by the day, and at the moment, over 36,000 deaths are expected. We hope to see you all there!