Rare Device Predicts Future Is Uncertain

– Cherry-Hill District

Recently local resident Bonzo Flemington found more than he bargained for at a garage sale. Mr. Flemington is a self proclaimed oddity-collector, with a special interest in items that predict the future and tell fortunes. This past Saturday proved to be his lucky day; while browsing the wares displayed, he stumbled on a one of a kind find in the form of a Yoda Magic Eight Ball.

Yoda Still in Protective Sheath

Yoda Still in Protective Sheath

“I wasn’t really looking for anything in particular, just kind of browsing the LPs looking for some of the later works by Mickey Forkenstein. If you listen to it backwards, it offers predictions on how the world is going to end when mutant Armidillos get introduced to the U.S. when they’re smuggled in by some Australians as ringers in an underground Armidillo death-racing league. Crazy stuff. But then I happened to look over at the Star Wars memorabilia table and couldn’t believe that the gem of Yoda hadn’t already been snatched up. I’m a lucky, lucky man.”

According to Dr. Trenton Quentin, professor of soothsaying and oracle artifacts at the University of East Grand Rapids, what makes it one of a kind is the fact that to an ordinary observer it would appear to be broken; the dice inside refuses to display any answer, instead just continually shows a corner.

“To be sure, to the lay person, it would seem that the device is useless. But to my highly trained eye, I can tell you it is anything but broken. In fact it is one of the most sophisticated future-telling apparatus I have ever had the privilege to examine.”

Always in Motion is the Future.

Always in Motion is the Future.

Dr. Quentin went on to explain the inherit wisdom offered within the high-polymer device by pointing out that the future is uncertain. It was also not lost on him how this fits perfectly with Yoda’s worldview.

“It’s quite brilliant how well it fits, uncertain is the future, and look here, a physical reminder of that great life lesson.”

Bonzo Flemington plans on proudly displaying his newest piece in a point of honor in his wall-mounted collection Plexiglas case, where it will reside between a Mr. Potato Head with facial configurations that predicts what dinner will be served at Remington Prison’s cafetorium and a Cootie set that was formerly possessed by one of the lesser demons in the third ring of Hell.

– Roscoe