Urinal Texting: Taking Stalls By Storm
“So I made it to the urinal. What now?”
This question races across the minds of men across America around 7 times a day, 6 days a week. Traditionally, urinals have been used for men to empty out liquid waste known to some as pee. This trend became skewed in the 1960’s when men decided that they wanted more out of their private stalls. It started with eating sandwiches. After this proved to be too messy, filing paperwork seemed to be the standard.
“You would never believe how much you can get done when nobody expects you to do anything but pee and wash your hands,” former business executive Lou Bing recalls. “The urinal became our second office. My secretary even worked a couple of shifts standing behind me at the pisser.”
However, times are changing and yellow paperwork is becoming obsolete. In order to catch up with the new millennium, men across the globe has found one new pastime to enjoy while making cake soup: texting.
“You only need to have one hand on your dick anyway. Why not use the other hand to let your girl know that you love her, or to tell your homeboy that the bitch is buggin. It’s time management at it’s best.”, testifies business major Alan Mackey.
It is becoming a trend that cannot be ignored. This leaves many untexting men to be unprotected from the wild piss streams that may occur. It should be noted that although texting is a process that requires one hand, many new phones have keyboards that require two. Former piss-texter Bosco Patterson laments:
I had just gotten my new phone, see? And it’s got one of those hype ass keyboards that light up and shit, see? So I’m taking a piss and I remember, shit, Jeff was supposed to meet me here. So I go to text him, as I’m doing it, one of my boys decides that he isn’t comfortable and he moves, see? Well, the boss wasn’t having it, and that dude went apeshit, see? He sprayed all over mah new phone!”
As many potential victims lay wait at the urinal, some double taskers like to play it safe. There is also an ever-growing demographic of people that talk on the phone in the toilet stalls. This proves to be a much easier and safer endeavor. A shit talking enthusiastic that goes only be the name of Hormel had a chance to sit down with us. He explains that:
“It’s really easy to have a conversation with someone while on the thinking chair. The toilet is where I get all of my inspiration, and since I was a child I have wished that someone would actually talk to me while I was doing my business, as that is where I get my best ideas. Most people don’t even realize that I’m talking from there. Whenever a toilet flushes, I’m ‘washing my hands’. Whenever someone grunts, I’m ‘watching football’. Whenever someone pisses on themselves from texting, well, I just laugh.”
One can only imagine the horror that could go through one’s mind knowing that messages received are sent from the urinal. Regardless, Urinal Texting is becoming more popular that playing hangman on the wall. And hangman is VERY popular. It may be wrong, it may be disgusting, but these people are saving large amounts of time by getting business done while they are doing their business.