Top 5 Football Rap Videos

Being The Coze, nothing spells “guilty pleasure” quite like football and rap music. And the combination of the two? Simply orgasmic. In the 80’s, it was an ongoing trend for NFL teams to make rap videos. Inflated egos, comradery, and hilarity ensued. I am keeping this list for strictly rap videos, so I can’t include the smooth R & B stylings of High-5 (1980 Chargers) and the other assorted “We Are The World” knockoffs (we’re looking at you, ’86 Raiders). So without further interruption:

5) Who Dey? – 1988 Cincinnati Bengals

Seriously, who dey think is gonna beat dem Bengals? Well, a lot of people did. This one has sad story written all over it. While making a run for the Super Bowl in 88, they decided that, well, since they’re finally a good team, might as well flaunt it. Then what happened? A heartbreaking Super Bowl loss, and a mediocre 89 season. Then the 90’s happened, and the rest is history. This song goes good with the fact that for the past 21 years, the Bengals have been about as big of a joke as the video is.

4) Team of the Eighties – 1989 San Francisco 49ers

They may have been the team of the eighties, but they really can’t rap worth a shit. The video looks like a high school media project, and well, it just might have been. However, it is funny as hell to see Jerry Rice struggle at something in life. I would quote one of his lines, but the dude mumbles so much that you can’t even tell what he’s saying. As being an unofficial 49er hater, this song is great because it showcases their lyrical downfalls. And it tastes good.

3) Buddy’s Watching You – 1988 Philadelphia Eagles

The chorus of this song will stick in your head for the rest of your life. For those that don’t know, the phrase “buddy’s watching you” refers to their coach, Buddy Ryan. That’s fantastic. Let’s make a rap song about being afraid of their head coach. Sends a positive message. But it does help that they’re good dancers. They even have good backup singers. Reggie White can lay some vicious rhymes, and I don’t know, I just have to mark out that these guys look cool as hell. I could even go as far to say that this is a good song. This video has it all. Studio setting with he producer looking on in contemplation, leather jackets, sunglasses, Randall Cunningham, THIS VIDEO IS THE SHIT!

2) The Super Bowl Shuffle – 1985 Chicago Bears

This is the video that started it all. One day I am going to get a whole clan of rappers together with Bears jerseys and cover it at some random open mic. it will be the biggest waste of time and money in my life. Highlights include: “My Super Bowl Shuffle will set you free”, Jim McMahon’s green screened presence (apparently the quarterback is too important to rap with the rest of the team…and his quote “I’m the quartback Jim McMahon/When I get on the field I have no plan”…well some things make sense now), and of course, the sax solo that reeks of awesomeness. This is the pinnacle of football rap. However, in my opinion, nothing will ever live up to number one…

1) Ram It! – 1986 Los Angeles Rams

We’ll be rocking L.A., so lets ram it today. Words to live by. This is the best rap video by far, because it seems that THE ENTIRE FUCKING TEAM gets a verse. Even the awkward white linemen…sitting on motorcycles. The tracking shot that dollys across the entire team singing in a single file line is mind blowing. The cheerleaders bring good backup dancing. Everyone is at different locations, doing different things. Most of them probably rehearsed. This video is absolutely sublime. Plus, it’s also dirty when you think about it, which is always good for lasting value. I once attempted to motivate a crew with this video, but there was no internet connection. But damnit, it would’ve worked! I will be doing the ram dance for the rest of my life. I hope you all will join me.