After 23 Years, Captain Midnight Strikes Again; Brings Fear Into Satellite TV Viewers

Ocala, FL–

The television world was shook like a baby today as the infamous satellite pirate, Captain Midnight, wreaked terror on an MTV broadcast. Known previously as being an activist for lower premium channel prices, Captain Midnight’s new message is one of principle. At 3:22 AM Monday night, viewers in the Northern Florida area watching MTV on the Galaxy 3 Satellite with Echostar’s Dish Service were met with this message:

GOOD EVENING, MTV.

THIS IS CAPTAIN MIDNIGHT.

MUSIC TELEVISION WITH NO MUSIC?

NO WAY!

[VH1 BEWARE!]

The prank took over a rerun of The Hills. Many are impressed by his improved grammar and more radical message. Because of it’s limited range, it is estimated that the attack reached a total of 124 possible homes. Put of these homes, it appears that the broadcast only reached one contacted viewer. Ronald Duggan is a 32 year old Martel resident that saw the whole situation unravel. He states that:

“The screen stopped showing stuff and said things about music TV with no music. It was then I realized that I thought I was watching BET. So I had to turn the darn satellite into F1 instead of Galaxy 3. It was quite a strange happening considering that I have all of my channels and galaxy’s memorized.”

Because of the fact that only one person saw it, there are no actual pictures or footage of the incident. Although many of us are scared, we have to wonder whether or not this is still the works of the real Captain Midnight. John R. Macdougall is a 48 year-old Satellite TV salesman that took the persona of Captain Midnight in 1986. After working a long day at Central Florida Teleport, a Satellite up-link of which he moonlighted, John took over the Galaxy 1 HBO signal to deliver a message in protest of the scrambling of HBO. This much more successful attack aired over the opening credits of “The Falcon and The Snowman”. Viewers were disappointed to see this interruption, and even more disappointed when they found out how boring the movie was. After this recent stunt, John R. Macdougall has been nowhere to be found. His wife, Mildred Macdougall, was available for comment, and she reveals the following:

“He left at about 1 in the morning to get some butter. The kids needed some Mac N Cheese, and we were fresh out. This has happened before. John tends to go on 3 day trips to get butter. The man loves his butter, and he’s very particular. But the macaroni is getting cold…”

So was he getting butter, or was he plotting a scheme to take over MTV? All signs point both ways. On one side, all of the affected broadcasts came from the Echostar Dish Service, a now-defunct Satellite service from the early-90’s. Because of the fact that it is obsolete, John is the only dealer of these dishes in the Northern Florida area. On the other side, many can confirm that the man has a thing for butter. Long time friend and business partner, Buddy Tanner, had this to say:

“The dude loves butter. He eats sticks of them like candy bars. The only thing he loves more is oleo. And that’s the same darn thing!”

When asked about his business relationship with John, he became agitated and sweaty. Finally, he outbursts:

“My relationship with Captain Midnight is strictly business. Does he hate MTV? Yes. Is he a racist? Yes. Is he trying to take over the world? Well, you’re going to have to get that information over my dead body!”

And we will, Buddy. We will. We will be back with more information as it develops. For now, let’s all pray he doesn’t take over Spike TV.

I just want to know about white-collar boxing.